introducing: a filmless score
a long-form multimedia project from the mind behind things i collected
note: an earlier version of this post included perks for paid subscriptions. this information has since been removed to reflect the current free model.
hi, Shanté here (30, she/they).
if we haven’t met before, i’m a writer and curator of various formats who’s been running the newsletter things i collected since 2021. concurrently, i’ve been building the project that i’m introducing now for over two years.
one thing about me: i’m a playlist queen. i have a playlist for just about everything, and i’m pretty open-minded when it comes to genre. it’s all sound, and it all can coexist in my world.
the way i experience music is often very cinematic.1 i frequently think of music within the context of soundtracks. similarly, i see film in a very musical way. perhaps it’s the theatre kid in me, but it’s very easy for me to watch a show or movie and get distracted by music i already know or have to Shazam a song that’s playing in the background of a scene. relatedly, i’ve had a goal of being a music supervisor for years, as explained in the following note about manifesting one’s dream job.
one song spearheaded this whole project: “El Dorado” by Choker. i was in the midst of making a playlist for things i collected when i heard this song in a deeper way than i ever had before, and it sparked an idea within me.2
from here, i curated a series of playlists to evoke the sentiments of a coming-of-age film from beginning to end. there’s not currently a full script, but rather a very loose synopsis with developing characters and plot points. as i roll out this project, you will see it all come together in real time. currently, we’re in the teasers and trailers phase before the main feature. the working title was originally “scoring a film without a film to score” (quite a mouthful!).3 it wasn’t until way later on that i decided to shorten this to four syllables. once i did that, i knew i was approaching the time to release a filmless score into the world.
another song that has inspired the direction of this project more recently is “Moonlight” by Forest Claudette. based on the title, lyrical content, and visual aesthetic, this song and video absolutely exist in the universe of Barry Jenkins’ groundbreaking film of the same name.
when it came to building this project out further, i consulted three of the most committed film buffs i know. as you’ll see in the interview snippet below, Moonlight was a common ground among us. that film explores three different coming-of-age moments, and each person has seen me at different levels of my own coming-of-age experience.
my brother, Chris (27, he/him) — Chris is three years younger than me and has seen me through a LOT of phases. we’ve bonded over all different types of music and films. we’ve also been known to love an indie song or two and play it on repeat until it’s ingrained in our psyche (see: “My Girls”; “Brother Sport”; “White Winter Hymnal”).
my friend Daniel, AKA Dan (30, he/him) — i met Dan as a teenager when our schools attended the Georgia Thespian Conference (AKA ThesCon). we ended up attending the same college and to this day, we are professional yappers who obsess over our favorite folks and moments in media. he’s also seen me through various stages.
my friend Regina of the sovereign audite (35, they/them) — we met over Instagram and have a lot of overlap with our music tastes. i was 29 when we first connected, and i see our bond growing into my 30s.
through a series of Zoom calls, i conducted interviews with each person above, where i brought them into this worldbuilding project. here are some snippets of our conversations.4 to start, i asked each person to tell me about their favorite coming-of-age film as i shared the poster on the screen for our discussion. later in the series, we’ll discuss defining aspects of the coming-of-age genre and some of our favorite needle drops.
**these interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.**
what’s your favorite coming-of-age film?
Chris: For me, the one that came right to my mind was Clueless. It's coming-of-age because the lead, Cher, she's really figuring life out on her own: What type of love that she wants, what type of life she wants to curate. It doesn't seem that deep when you watch the movie on a surface level, but it kind of is. You see her fall in and out of love. You see her try to shape someone's life — Brittany Murphy's character — she tries to change her, you know? It's a metamorphosis going on with all of them. That's kind of the idea that I get from it.
Shanté: okay, i really appreciate that you shared that, because i hadn't expected you to say that one. i think that this [film] is so referential throughout our time, especially when we conceptualize teenagers since the 1990s. so this is absolutely a great choice. thank you for sharing. Regina, what’s your film?
Regina: I have two, but I'm going to share my top one. It's Moonlight.
Shanté: i really want to talk to everyone about that film. so i already have a poster for that one, that’s perfect. please keep going.
Regina: Okay, awesome. Yeah, I felt like it was just so beautiful the first time I saw it. And it really spoke to me how the main character related to himself and others through just growing up in general, exploring life pertaining to his sexuality and things like that as well [as] just trying to figure out where he fits within society and perceptions and all of those things. I felt very connected to it the whole time I watched it for the first time, and I revisit it often. So it means a lot to me.
Shanté: thank you for sharing. i really did enjoy the film Moonlight. it was one of those films that, when i first saw it, it impacted me in a way that i don't think i've watched it since. i think it stands with me so much that i like holding that memory of what it felt like to watch it for the first time.5
i have the poster on the screen, which shows all three aspects of the character as he appears in the film. and i think that it's a really strong poster, even though it's so simple. and the reason why this poster resonates with me at this specific time is: the three people that i wanted to talk to today kind of represent these three different times in his life as well. i feel like there's an interesting parallel there. i also wanted to know your thoughts on this film, Chris, because i know you have the screenplay.
Chris: Yes, this is one of my all-time favorites. I think it’s my number one favorite of all time. It's so impactful and powerful, and it's such a simple movie too. But it's so powerful in what it says, and also just the stuff that Barry [Jenkins] wants us to see; each piece is like a puzzle coming together to get to this end point where, at the end, you kind of wash it all and let it go. But to get to that point, you have to live. He goes through so much, but it's so great to see. People see themselves in Chiron, they see themselves in him, in that living life can be so much. That's why, when we get to the end, where there's this calm, where there's resolution, you just feel it, you know?
Shanté: [enthusiastically] yeah! i definitely agree with that. i think that the moments that Barry Jenkins chooses to show us say so much about what the character was dealing with on an internal level. you see so much of those hesitations. you see so much of the contemplation. i remember seeing [this film] at the theater at Georgia State [University] and just being so captivated by it and understanding at that time that people weren't ready for a movie like that. but i don't think that there was any other time that we could have gotten that movie besides now. thank you for sharing that.
so my film, i have a couple. the first one that i wanted to talk about was Slums of Beverly Hills with Natasha Lyonne. have y'all seen that one?
Chris: I’ve seen parts of it.
Regina: I have not, no.
Shanté: okay, well, i won't go into too much detail about it, but i'll pull up the poster so we can look at it together. Chris, you know me from my younger days, of course, so you know that i love stuff that's kitschy. i love stuff that's campy. that's one of the things that i love about this film. but also, seeing how Natasha Lyonne grew up on screen is so interesting to me. and i think that this film does a different job of showing the coming-of-age narrative than something like But I’m a Cheerleader, which is one of her most famous coming-of-age films. this one takes you back to 1976, and then you see her go through those very simple coming-of-age, girlhood moments: getting her period for the first time, being the only girl with her brother and her father. i really just enjoy this movie, so i would recommend that y'all watch it. but i won't say too much about it, since y'all haven't seen it. the second one is Raising Victor Vargas. Chris, i probably tried to get you to watch this one. Regina, have you seen this film?
Regina: I have seen it, yes.
Shanté: that's good. that lets me know that i can talk about it a little bit more. so let me pull up the poster for this one. i really enjoy this film because it just feels so much like the New York that's pitched to you. it feels like that raw, that gritty, that coming of age — like, this is a post-Kids movie. i feel like it kind of allows for some of that narrative to persist, but it's not as dangerous. it's a little bit more innocent in a way. Regina, would you like to talk a little bit about your experience with this film?
Regina: To be very honest, I don’t remember a lot from it. I cannot remember how old I was when I saw it, probably in high school or about to go to college. I remember it being a pivotal part of film, like it's a part of a lot of coming-of-age conversations. But I don't remember a lot, unfortunately. Not that it’s bad! It's just sometimes my memory after I see a movie like one time, and then I don't for a very long time. Sometimes I just don't remember things, so I would like to revisit it and see how it affects me now.
Shanté: i think that's very real. i think this is also a film i would like to revisit. what i really enjoyed about this film is, again, the aspect of seeing an actor [Victor Rasuk] that i went on to see in How to Make It in America. to see him in one of his earlier appearances. you can see how many film festivals this film went to on the poster, but it just gives so much of that authentic New York feel that people try to pitch to you so much. and seeing this couple get together and the play that’s involved with it, but also the hesitation. it kind of reminds me of the script i’m building… [more to come on that next time].
~interlude~
Shanté: ok, introduce yourself for the record, with your pronouns and relation to me.
Daniel: I’m Daniel Gilstrap, he/him. Longtime friend, first-time caller.
Shanté: [laughs] thank you for being on the line. is there a particular film that you think of when it comes to the coming-of-age genre?
Daniel: To start, when I think of a coming-of-age film, the first film that comes to mind is The Wackness, which I now have “Lupe Fiasco epiphanies” about. And by that, I mean that my initial impression of it when I was younger — it's not grossly changed — but it's changed and affected by hearing the person talk about it. Now that I'm older, it's revived my passion and advocacy for the film, because there was a moment where I was starting to be like, is it really worth the hype of even bringing up? But recently, I heard Josh Peck talk about it and what making the film meant in his life, and it definitely has changed my opinions of it. This is his “I'm getting it together” movie.
Shanté: this was his transition from being a teen star, right?
Daniel: It's his second bout at not being a teen star. Apparently, he was in another film that did well with Sundance audiences, but this was the one where he was the star of it all, and it was put on his shoulders. I think he was explaining that the movie came to him, I guess, right when he was trying to get his life together and get sober. It either was prior to or following the death of this one obscure actor that I didn't really know, but also Heath Ledger's death. And he didn't know them well, but he was worried about his substance usage, and he thought that this would be the thing that would help him get it all together. And it got him over the wall, but he still realized that he was himself. Then from there, he sobered up. But, yeah, this was the movie that he was going to use to prove to himself that he could really be a Hollywood leading man; that he could get over his insecurities; that he could progress in life, I guess.
Shanté: i feel like you've told me about this film before. i do believe i may have ended up watching it, but i can't recall. but looking at this cast, it's a pretty decent ensemble cast.
Daniel: It's a good ensemble. I would say that's probably the highest appeal of the movie. Probably one of the first times I saw a movie where I was like, even if this doesn't stick the landing, I've enjoyed being with these people enough that we can accept what we get. Sometimes you watch a movie and you watch it because you're like, “good movie, beginning, middle and end.” Sometimes you watch a good movie and it's just like, “Thank you for showing me this place at this time, because I get it and I wish I could go there, but this is as close as it gets.” So it's good enough, even if it doesn't necessarily satisfy a traditional beginning, middle, and end.
Shanté: sometimes you just get situated in a moment in time that's already existing.
Daniel: Yep. Sometimes you're in a moment. Sometimes you want to follow people. And it's not to say that The Wackness is like this. I do think it has a good ending, but the point of it, and I think with coming-of-age movies, I think is to recognize the moment, recognize the environment, and appreciate it.
Shanté: yes, i do agree. i think that movies like this give us an opportunity to just see somebody else’s viewpoint. i’ve been watching more media that talks about what a coming-of-age film [or] story is, and there usually needs to be a moment where the character is grappling with the in-between. because coming-of-age is not specific to teenagers, even though that’s a bulk of the media. but it signifies some transition in [the character’s] life and them having to rise to the occasion to see if they’re going to continue their old ways or if they want to be a different person. ultimately, they’re already a different person just based on that event having happened.
to be continued…
i’ll be interspersing moments from these interviews with the playlists and other media i aim to share. although the characters of this project will be between the ages of 18-25, i‘ll also be exploring how the coming-of-age experience transcends adolescence by sharing literature and critical analysis on the subject.
now, onto the perks: all of the playlists will be available to free subscribers. i plan to release them on Apple Music, Spotify, and eventually YouTube. the project will roll out sequentially over time, with a new playlist coming out each month. i want there to be time to sit with the material and let our imaginations roam.
i hope you’ll join me on this journey. it’s an experience of becoming for me. next time, we’ll dive into the first playlist in the series, appropriately titled coming of age. in the meantime, check out this throwback playlist titled last day as a teenager from my 20th birthday, as it exemplifies the music i enjoyed during my adolescence. i recently unearthed it for my 30th birthday, which prompted me to make another playlist that marked the end of my 20s. i already told y’all that i have a lot of playlists :)
(last day as a teenager. on Apple Music)
relevant reads
i have a 10+ hour-long playlist called cinematic that serves as ongoing inspiration.
based on my last.fm history with this song, i believe it was sometime in 2021 or 2022. i do recall that it was cold outside. i’ll explain more in my audio commentary when i unveil the coming of age playlist.
i could have called it “a filmless soundtrack,” but that’s mouthy as well. as a singer, i’m also thinking about the composition of each song and the elements that recur. while these songs have already been recorded, i’m thinking of the things i would want to hear if i commissioned new music for the film.
i conducted one roundtable interview with Regina and Chris, and a second interview with Dan. i asked everyone the same questions, but as you’ll discover, their commentary took on different forms and sometimes inspired new questions based on the associations we were able to make together.
i'm sure i’ll watch it again in the future.
i can't believe it's finally here! it's such an honor to be a part of this amazing project and i'm just so extremely proud of you! ♥️
Who are you and where have you been all our lives?